It’s a Wonderful Dad’s Life

Homework and Responsibility

The night started out normally. I came home, William was thinking about starting a movie. Pulling movies out of the movie drawer. Kat was drawing at the table. Melinda was researching jobs. William immediately grabbed my hand and insisted that we put on Baby Van Gough and then sit on the couch and watch it together. With each frame, he wanted to know what it was. I would say flower. He would say flower. i would say bee. He would say bee. I would say lemon. He would say lemon. With each joke, he would cover his face and laugh a jolly happy laugh. With each color he would call out the name. He is really starting to get cute.

Kat let me know that she wanted to carve the pumpkin into a jack-o-lantern. I said sure we have time to do that. It was 6:30 p.m. I said that she needed to get on her homework and once she was done, that we could carve it together.

I gave her a spelling test, she missed a few of the words. So I gave her the list of words she needed to write for the day. She grew upset, said she was tired. She came out and announced that she had written her words.

“But then I erased them,” she said.

“Is that acceptable?” I asked her. “Is that how you are supposed to do it?”

“No,” she responded.

“So did you do your work?” I asked.

Stated another way, I asked, If I told you I would take you to school and then drove you to the store, did I drive you to school? If I told you I would give you a dollar and then gave you fifty cents, would I have given you a dollar.

I then turned it around, did you do your homework as expected?

“No,” she said.

No, I agreed, you didn’t.

She went back to her room. However, she grew angry and wrote her words on the front page of her homework. She then realized that she would turn that page into her paper, and became embarrassed. She came to me for help.

I had to tell her that I couldn’t fix it, that she would have to turn that in to her teacher if she wanted to turn in her homework. She started to cry.

William started to cry as well.

In short order, I had two crying children surrounding me, each vying for my attention.

Kat went from being sad about what she had done, to blaming me for writing on her homework. And that led to her screaming that it wasn’t fair that she had to do her homework. And that led to her getting angry that we weren’t going to carve the pumpkin tonight (it was 7:30 p.m.)

At a certain point I had had enough and told her so. That she needed to stop it and get into her pjs. When she became defiant and angry, I told her that she would stay in her room for the rest of the night. I am embarrassed to say that I also told her to stop crying and that if she continued to cry, I would give her something to cry about. I really felt like my father at that moment.

I left her in her room so that she could think about the fact that she didn’t do her work as she was expected to do. Melinda mentioned that perhaps Kat is being pushed too hard. At that moment though I was annoyed and said no. That is definitely not the issue.

What I should have said is that Kat is pushing the limits. She knows she doesn’t have to do any work to do well in school. That she is just seeing if she has to really do her homework. That this is a critical time where we can decide whether or not we want her to be the type of child who learns to do what is expected, or always tries to find a way not to do it.

Soon thereafter, Melinda decided it was time to read Kat her bedtime story. She brought tissues and tried to make everything better for Kat. Clearly, she didn’t agree with my methods of teaching.

Honestly, I was angry. I take issue with leaving all the work to me to deal with, and when everything falls apart, coming in at the last minute to pick up the pieces and rescue the children. Sorry, color my stupid, but I do. It feels too close to my own childhood dynamic.

Anyway, Melinda stayed in with Kat for 45 minutes consoling and reading to her. When she came out, I told her that I didn’t appreciate what she did. She went to bed.

I walked in to Kat’s room to kiss her goodnight. Kat said she didn’t much care for the fact that I raised my voice. I told her that I didn’t much care for her not doing what she was supposed to do.

“What do you think would happen if I didn’t do what I was supposed to do at work. If I yelled at my boss,” I asked her.

She looked at me with her beautiful blue eyes, waiting for me to answer.

“I would lose my job,” I told her. “And if I lost my job, I might not be able to feed you. You see, that is why it is important to do what you are expected to do. Because when you don’t, you don’t only hurt yourself, you also hurt those around you.”

Kat then looked up at me with wide eyes. “Could I do what I am supposed to,” she asked. “Could I get out of bed and do my homework?”

“Of course you can,” I told her. “If you did that, I would be very proud that you did the right thing.”

So together, we finished her homework, practiced her spelling, and then once she finished, I made sure to tell her that I was very proud of her for doing her homework. That doing the right thing shows good character.

“What will Mrs. Tran say about my homework.” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I responded. “What I do know is that you made a mistake, and the best thing you can do is to say, with your head held high, that you made a mistake and that you were sorry.”

With that she smiled and crawled in to bed.

As I tucked her in, I kissed her on the head and told her that I loved her very much. I told her that I am proud of the person she is becoming. I walked away thinking that I was lucky to have such a child.